Monday, 3 December 2012

Miss Independent

Being raised by a single mother I never saw firsthand what it is like to have a man around the house.  I don’t really know what it is like to see a man take out the rubbish, mow the lawns or put oil into the car.  These were all things that my mother did all the time.  Yes she did have assistance for some things from her brothers or fellow parishioners from church but the majority of the time it was all my mum.  So I was raised by a very independent and strong woman.  Her example made me who I am today. 

So when my marriage broke down and I was left to care for a newborn baby by myself I didn’t fear.  In fact I knew without a doubt that I could love, cherish and care for this child and raise him to be a well adjusted member of society because my mum did it with three children all by herself and if she could do it then so could I.

So having to do everything I could for my child obviously with the assistance of my family members was normal to me.  In fact I can’t imagine what it would be like to have to share responsibilities with another person.  What it would be like to have the daily assistance of a husband to raise a family with is a fairly foreign concept.

My dating experiences have been interesting to say the least.  Being the independent woman that I am if I wanted to see a guy and he was too broke to take me anywhere I would pay for us to go somewhere because I could and I wanted to get what I wanted.  I didn’t realize until recently that most of the guys I dated didn’t mind me paying and doing things for them because they were as TLC put it ‘scrubs’.  This left me open to all kinds of drama.

One guy that I dated was different.  He was a complete gentleman carrying things for me, buying me things and just being a straight up genuine guy.  My problem was not with him, but was with me.  I am so used to paying my own way and doing things for myself I physically found it hard to allow someone else to do things for me.  My body would literally tense up when he went to pay or did things for me because I was so used to doing these things for myself.

This got me to thinking was I overly independent and did not allow the other guys I dated a chance to show me that they were in fact knights in shining armour?  Was I self sabotaging my relationships by being too independent?  Then I thought no, that is just bullocks.  If a guy wanted to treat his woman like a princess and do all that he could to help her he would.  He would also have the confidence in himself to know that she is independent and strong enough to do things by herself and would not be intimidated by her.  If he didn’t then they are not right for each other which is why I did not end up with any of the scrubs, well that and other reasons I will not divulge.

But I have also learnt that there is nothing wrong with allowing someone to be there for you when you need them, to allow them to carry things up stairs for you or to give you a shoulder to cry on should you need it.  By letting someone help you does not take away you independence and does not mean you are incapable of doing it yourself.  It just means you are confident enough to allow others to feel the same independence and self assurance that you have.