Know Your Role!

Samoa’s Film Control Board recently banned the comedy “Sex Tape” from being publicly shown at the only Samoan Movie Theater.

The Samoa Observer reported:

According to the Chief Censor, Lei’ataua Niuapu Lei’ataua, they are merely doing their job.

“The reason why we’ve banned the public screening of the movie is because of the explicit scenes of sex and sexual activities,” he said. “This will affect our culture and traditions if we allow this movie to screen publicly. So we’ve decided to ban it.”

I can understand that the Film Control Board would like to keep the culture and traditions of Samoa safe, but that is not their job.  Their job is to classify the movie and let the people decide whether or not they feel the movie is appropriate for them to see.

If keeping the culture and traditions of Samoa safe was their main objective then they would not have allowed Hercules, Transformers, Fast and the Furious or The Other Woman to be shown in Samoa.  Ok so I watch a lot of movies, but these were the most recent that I have watched at the Samoan movie theater.  Why would I say that all these movies should not have been shown?

Hercules – Don’t hate me I love The Rock and I would watch this movie again on DVD if given the chance because there is a great number of six packs and I am all for appreciation of God’s creations.  But it goes against Samoan Culture and tradition as it makes violence appear to be something good.  That going around with a bow and arrow or a sword and killing people is ok.  It also shows us that animal cruelty is acceptable.

Transformers – Ok I am also a fan of Mark Wahlberg and mother of a boy who loves transformers so I know that I will be watching this movie again.  But if we were to use the rule set down by the Film Control Board we should not have been able to view this because the girl in the movie is disrespectful of her father and lied to him about a boy!  I am sorry but Samoan culture says that we should all be respectful to our elders and definitely should not be dating or thinking of kissing a boy at that age.

Fast and the Furious – I have watched this more than a few times and will watch it again because hello Tyrese, The Rock, Vin Diesel and Paul Walker.  But this movie goes against Samoan traditions as it teaches that stealing and not listening to authorities such as the police are acceptable not to mention the idealizing of driving dangerously over the speed limit.  With that said I don’t understand why the Film Control Board allowed it to be shown.

The Other Woman – Ok I kind of see why this was allowed as adultery is a common thing now in Samoa so it kind of upholds our traditions, but you would think that as God fearing people that we would not have allowed it just because of the fact that they drink heavily in this movie and the bible says that we should not drink heavily!

I like the intentions of the Samoa Film Board in trying to keep Samoa safe from all things that are bad in movies, but the reality is that you aren’t doing that consistently.  If your sole reason was to safeguard our traditions and culture then you really need to be consistent because I am sure that I can name other movies that could be detrimental to our culture and traditions.  However, I still believe that it is not the role of the Board to safeguard our culture or traditions but rather to classify the movies so that I can tell if it is appropriate for me to take my ten year old son to.  I believe that at 35 years of age I am old enough to determine whether or not a comedy showing the pain and heartache of filming a sex tape and having it go public will make me want to go out and make a sex tape and if I did choose to make a sex tape I am an adult who has every right to do so as long as it is consensual and within the laws of the land I live in.

So what do I have to say to the Samoa Film Board?  Know your role!

It's not the end of the world!

While this was a time that I would like to forget in my life I feel like my experience could help others going through a similar situation in their lives.  There was a time that I had met what I thought then was the man of my dreams.  He was cute with a smile that could make you melt, he was smart and not boring; sometimes smart guys have no personality but he was not at all like that, he was extremely funny which when combined with brains can be the sexiest thing in the world!  The love that he showed for his family and the loyalty he had for his friends showed me that he was not the type of guy who would hurt me intentionally.  He was attentive, sometimes a guy can be all that but only care about himself and what was happening in his life.  He was a gentleman, paying for lunches, refraining from cursing in front of me and most importantly showing me respect as a woman and a human being.

We had been dating for a while but towards the end of that relationship was a period of time when I was separated from my son for six months.  I had gone from having my constant companion at home, work and wherever I went to my first ever time living alone, completely alone.  While I did have family and friends around there is a void that can’t be filled when a mass of ocean separates you from your child.  Added to this void was the fact that some of my relationships with my close family members in country were strained.  I was in a constant battle over finances which made work a hard place to be.  In my mind, the only thing that I had going right in my life at the time was my “dream guy”.

While I want to share my story there are some things which I would still like to keep personal, so events happened and “dream guy” broke up with me.  I was completely devastated.  I literally cried every day for at least a month.  I barely slept for a full week which is when I turned to exercise to wear me down enough so that my body was so exhausted it had to sleep.  I ate maybe once a day, which is crazy because if you know me well enough you know I love my food and am constantly snacking on something.  Needless to say with all the exercise and not eating I lost a lot of weight, which I unfortunately have put back on but that is another blog altogether.  I honestly felt what it was like to be crazy in love because at the time I felt like I was going insane because I loved him that much.

You would think that having gone through a divorce, a failed five year relationship and a broken engagement that I would be accustomed to break ups and getting on with life but for some reason this time was different.  The other times I had my son there with me to remind me that life is more than a guy, and I had the support of family if I was down.  This time I had my two best friends, but it wasn’t the same I am very independent and felt like my problems were a burden to them who were also going through their own life problems so I did not seek the support from them that they were more than willing to give.

One night I held a bottle of pills in my hand ready to take a few to help me go to sleep as the walking hadn’t helped that day.  As I overturned the bottle to take out a few tablets half the bottle spilled into my hand.  I lifted them to my mouth and thought heck why not, my son is with my family who can take better care of him than I could ever do and no one else will even notice so why not just take all these pills and make the pain that was killing me just end.  I put the handful of pills in my mouth and my son’s smiling face flashed before my eyes and I could hear his laughter and my favorite phrase in the whole entire world “I love you mum”.  I spat the pills out and threw the bottle in the rubbish.

This was not the only occasion that I thought of ending my life as a result of my break up, but each time it was my clarity of thought and the knowledge that I had someone in my life who loved me regardless of any mistakes that I may make and whose life would have been hugely impacted by my actions.  Each time I faced this choice the ability to think clearly and not having my judgment clouded by alcohol or drugs made it that much easier to make the right choice not just for me but for my son and the people who loved and cared for me, even if at the time I felt like I had no one.

So my lessons that I have learnt from this experience is that there is always another guy or another girl, hello I am a 30 something single parent who has been divorced and has had way to many failed relationships and yet there are still guys who are interested in me!  Breaking up with the person you think is the one just means that you are now open to find the next one, it may take time but it will happen and I know this because if it can happen for me it can happen for you.

This is not just something that happens to people who are not educated, poor or facing mental problems.  I have two degrees, I am not stupid but that doesn’t mean I can’t make stupid choices.  I am not rich but am also not living below the poverty line.  While I may act crazy and am a little on the weird side psychologists have actually found me sane so I also don’t have mental problems.  My point is that this can happen to anyone whether you are male or female, rich or poor so don’t think that you are the exception.

I have also learnt that what I do in my life affects the people around me no matter how many times you try to tell yourself that no one cares or no one will notice.  It may have made your pain end but caused so much pain for others in the process.  It does hurt, but it goes away with time.  Again I have experienced a divorce and multiple broken relationships life does go on and the pain goes away, trust me.

Give yourself time to grieve.  You just lost a big part of your life and you need to deal with your emotions and all the feelings that are racing around in your mind.  How you deal with that is up to you whether you eat, run, laugh or cry just let it out.  I know that many people turn to alcohol and drugs and I have been there and done that but I also found these substances cloud my mind and stop me from thinking clearly.  So if you do go on a binge drink don’t do it alone and don’t make any decisions during that time.

Be grateful.  I know you are thinking what is there to be thankful for I just lost the love of my life what else do I have?  Be grateful for the beauty all around you.  Be grateful for the food you have to eat.  Be grateful that you have legs to walk with.  Be grateful you have a house to live in.  Be grateful you have clothes to wear.  Be grateful you have air to breathe.  Everyone has something to be grateful for whether it be big or small and by being thankful for these you tend to forget that guy you used to kiss.

Last but not least, talk to someone, anyone.  You may think that you are a burden but your friends, family even strangers would rather take time out of their lives to help you to deal with what you are going through and know that they were able to help someone in need.  Many of us think that people don’t care, I believe that everyone cares but not everyone is given the opportunity to show kindness to others.  Let people help you.

This is not the end of the world, don’t let this one life experience dictate your future.  Chances are you will have your heart broken more than once, but you only get to live one life, don’t throw that precious gift away.

 

The only ducks here are the PM and STA

Anyone who knows me can tell you that beauty pageants are not something that I am interested in.  If I do watch a pageant it is to admire the pretty dresses or to mock the contestants as they attempt to answer their interview questions.  I am going to admit that there were some answers to which I did mock during this year’s Miss Samoa pageant, however I was mostly disturbed and ashamed at how the interviews were conducted.  We live in a country where the majority of the population speaks little to no English.  To have a rule that the Miss Samoa pageant be conducted solely in English makes little sense to me.  I completely disagree with the Prime Minister and the STA in their stance to have only English questions asked during the Miss Samoa pageant. 

In a recent article in the Samoa Observer the Prime Minister alluded that one of the reasons why the rules were changed to have all English questions during the pageant was because we were not winning the Miss South Pacific Pageant due to the contestants’ inability to speak fluent English.  I am sorry Mr Prime Minister but not all English speakers win Miss South Pacific.  If we look at former Miss Samoa: Jolivette Ete we can see that her beauty can be likened to that of a model and to add to her assets she is an intelligent and articulate young woman whose grasp on the English language is close to that of a native English speaker.  Why do I bring up Jolivette you may ask, well even with her ability to speak fluent English, Jolivette was unable to secure the Miss South Pacific Title.  There are also other former Miss Samoa, who were all crowned after the introduction of English only questions at Miss Samoa who are like Jolivette namely Sherry Elekana, Gwendolyn Tuaitanu, Olevia Ioane and I am sure that the list goes on.  The ability to speak fluently in English is not what wins a beauty pageant.  In fact Miss Akiko Kojima winner of the 1959 Miss Universe was crowned even though she knew little English.

When I was younger I admit that I did watch Miss World and Miss Universe more so then because I liked to see the pretty dresses not as much to make fun of the interview responses.  But even at that young age I didn’t want to go to a country just because a Miss World was from there.  I admired her clothes and her hair but did not have the drive to travel to a country based on a beauty contest.  That is because a beauty contest is about admiring the beauty of the person and their clothes, shoes, earrings and hair; it is all about the beauty not the country.  Pageants are not the place to shine as an ambassador to a country.  It is where you win the rights to brag at having won more than one beauty competition.

Miss South Pacific and all other beauty pageants are a competition and most pageants allow translators.  Many times there is little to no time to prepare a Miss Samoa to contest in the Miss South Pacific.  That is where the STA should push to have a translator present for our contestants so they are able to speak in a language that they are comfortable with and are not made to look stupid just because their command of English is not perfect.  And that is exactly what STA did to two contestants at this year’s Miss Samoa by not allowing them to express their thoughts in their mother tongue. 

For public appearances at Travel conferences etc the winner of Miss Samoa will find it easier to be prepped on what to say because there is more time and set speeches can be memorized.  Whereas you can’t tell a contestant what to say during a competition because there is no guarantee what the question will be hence the need for a translator.

I have a few questions for the Prime Minister of Samoa and the Samoa Tourism Authority, what is the point of promoting Samoan as a language in Samoa if all we want are people who can speak fluent English?  Why not make English a prerequisite to all entrants of the Miss Samoa pageant?  Because it is discrimination!!!  What STA has done is complete discrimination to all those beautiful and intelligent young women who can only speak Samoan.  To have this kind of treatment in our own country against our own people is appalling.  I hope that you see that this practice is wrong and needs to be changed.  If you are not prepared to make that change then at least wear your discriminatory ways proudly and acknowledge that English speakers are your preference for all future Miss Samoa contestants, because in your minds only English speakers can win international beauty contests.

Three down, two and a half left

So my book is a collection of 6 short stories.  I have just finished the third one, Ella, and thought that I would give you another snippet to try and get you hooked :)

I quickly grabbed my bag but didn’t have time to grab my shoes as Lupe had begun throwing things at me.  I was forced to run even faster as the dogs chased me through the front gates and I heard the thudding of the rocks being thrown at me by my ex-husband’s mother.  I ran barefoot on the burning hot road that was covered in tiny rocks that cut into your flesh all the way to the hotel tears streaming down my face and my hands shaking.

I stood in the middle of the reception of the hotel sobbing, my hair all over the place with no shoes.  I looked up to see Mike standing there with his shirt off and water trickling down his six packed torso and without saying anything he just grabbed me in his arms and held me.  He didn’t ask me what was wrong it was as if he knew what had happened and that I just needed to be held.

I do not see what the problem is!

Recently I have heard many things regarding the Tourism Development Act.  To begin with, the Act is from 2012, it is now 2013.  I am sure that there were many consultations held during the development of this Act.  Why are we now dredging up a piece of legislation that has already been passed and is now law?  These concerns should have been voiced over a year ago when they were drafting the Act!

I honestly do not see what the issue is in relation to the preservation of the reputation of the destination section of the Act.  It is purely stating that people cannot write or say anything that is false about Samoa, the operative word being false.  It doesn't say you don’t have the freedom to voice your grievances regarding incidents that may have been negative.  It only says that if you do so and these negative statements are false then you can be prosecuted.

This is also true of each of us.  If someone were to say something false that was negative about me and it cost me job opportunities or loss of customers as a result this is regarded as slander and I in turn can sue you for saying such things.  If the statements were in fact true then I would have no leg to stand on. 

It is legislation like this that protects Samoa’s reputation.  To me stopping people from telling hurtful lies whether it is about me, my friend or my country is a good thing and I do not see what the problem is!

Another snippet from a short story I am writing

So I have set a goal and am hoping to finish my collection of short stories by the end of July.  Here is a snippet from the short story titled 'I Miss You More'.  Let me know what you think!!!!

“What drink do you want Sef?”

“Gin and lemonade thanks mate.  So who’s this chick you’re looking for?”

“I went to school with her; she said she’s here with some of her mates.  You never know she could have some hot friends!”

As Dom hands me my drink he feels his pocket vibrate and reaches down to get his phone.  He reads the text and looks to his left bursting out laughing.

“What’s so funny Dom?”

“This girl man she just texted me to ask where I am and that she’s at the bar, uh hello she’s standing right next to me!”

Dom moves out of the way and points to the girl standing next to him.  There she stood China doll fair skin, long, straight black hair and big black eyes with perfect pink lips.

“Watch this!”  Dom said as showed me his phone and typed ‘I’m standing next to you, you egg lol.’

We couldn’t hear her get the message, just saw her look down at her phone and the most gorgeous smile came over her face and she looked up and saw Dom.  I was taken by surprise as she squealed like one of those ditzy blonde girls you see on the movies then she jumped up a couple times before she gave Dom a massive bear hug.

She was obviously drunk because what she said to Dom after the hug was barely understandable.  Dom looked over her shoulder and gave me an oh crap look.  Then she went silent and just stood there.  That is when Dom turned her to me and introduced us.

“Lily this is my friend Sefulu, Sefulu this is Lily.”

I put my hand out to shake hers and was shocked when I looked up and she was literally in my face.

“You’re drinking too slowly!” she shouted.

My lips parted to form a response but before a sound could come out she cut me off.

“Stop being a pussy!  Skull…skull…skull!”

She stood there and watched till I had skulled my whole drink, then she turned around and walked away.

Ella

So I have had the attack of the insomnia monster these last couple of days, which has meant that I have had some time to write.  I have started writing two more short stories to add to my collection.  Here is a snippet from one of them titled Ella.  I hope you enjoy it.  Remember that if you have any comments or suggestions please feel free to let me know.

Thanks!!!!

Ella

By Morwenna Petaia

“Do you Ella take Apelu to be your lawfully wedded husband to love and to hold from this day forth?”

“This amazing man standing before me, who you all know as Bruce, is a wonderful, kind, thoughtful and selfless man who since I met him has brought me so much happiness and makes me want to be a better person.  Of course I want to be his wife!”

“And do you Apelu take Ella to be your lawfully wedded wife to love and to hold from this day forth?”

“My life has been far from easy, particularly moving away from my parents in Samoa but ever since I met Ella I have had nothing but peace of mind and I want my life to continue to have the beauty that is only brought about by having Ella by my side.  I would love nothing more than to have the privilege of being Ella’s husband.”

Tears ran down my face the second Bruce spoke those words, it didn’t even bother me that my mascara was running and we hadn’t even taken photos yet.  The warmth that pulsed through my body at the knowledge that I finally found a man who was honest, cute, and intelligent, had a good job, and was kind and funny and he loved me just as much as I loved him and he just agreed to be my husband!  These tears of sheer joy ran freely as Bruce lifted my veil and kissed me as my husband.

Bruce held my hand and guided me to the dance floor; it was our first official dance as a married couple.  I had spent weeks before our wedding teaching him the waltz.  It took a few weeks of bruised feet but Bruce being the determined man that he is managed to out dance me at our last practice session.  I could tell he was nervous because he started sniffling, his nose always runs when he is nervous.  I gently squeezed his hand and whispered in his ear “you will do great baby, just pretend it’s just the two of us.”  The music started and the soulful tones of Otis Redding filled the room “These arms of mine…”  We moved around the room in unison and I got lost in his arms and the closeness and the rhythm of the song made me wish that it was just the two of us.  I put my head on his shoulder and breathed in his sweet scent, always fresh and clean with a whiff of a fragrance I could never figure out.  I am still in awe that such a good man would be in love with me and has married me and that he also loves my daughter Sharon, even though he is not her biological father.  I felt so safe in his strong arms and I looked around the room and I was so proud of my husband and that all our guests were here to witness our love.  They all wore such lovely colours. 

Then all too quickly the colours faded to grey and the memories of that beautiful day blurred into the kitchen table and I heard his voice, that annoying high pitched almost a screech voice.  “It’s not a hickey honey, it’s a bruise.  I went to the doctor and got some hydrocortisone cream.  If you don’t believe me you can call the doctor and ask.”

You would think that after all this time he would come up with some more believable excuses for his adultery but no, Peter is far from being any kind of a man compared to Bruce, my sweet Bruce.