Samoan Bucketlist #1

I have had the privilege of calling Samoa home for the last nine years.  The memories, both happy and sad will be cherished.  The friends and family that I have gotten to know better have helped to make me become a stronger and more resilient person today and I will hold them forever in my heart.  I can honestly say that making the decision to leave Samoa has been one of the hardest I have ever had to make, it was easier to decide to get divorced so that is a big choice right there!  The opportunities that I have had to do so many things and meet so many people are beyond what I ever thought I would accomplish in my life thus far.  Over the next six (6) weeks I will be sharing with you some of my things that I have yet to do in my Samoan Bucketlist, so here is number one.  

Over the White Sunday Holiday I made sure to go to the beach.  It was not just any beach that I chose it was one that I had never been to before and I am a poor volunteer so couldn’t afford to stay the night at this beautiful place.  I am so happy with my decision to check out Return to Paradise Resort because I have fallen in love with this location.  I will admit that the weather was not on our side that day, but it was worth the trip.  The sign from the main road was easy to locate and easy follow it was when you got further down the road that it got a little confusing.  There is a sign that gives a list of prices for the use of the beach with a little fale Samoa beside it.  IGNORE this sign!  There is no one there to take your money so continue to drive past.  As we reached where we could see the water and the pristine beaches it was unclear as to where to go now or if we should have turned right at the false price sign because there were no signs for the resort once we got on this road.  If you pass another beach fale set up and begin on a dirt road then you are heading in the right direction.  Keep following this road until you reach a security guard.  This is where you will be given a piece of paper telling you that it is free to use the beach, yay!  But you do have to spend money at the restaurant/bar.  This is great because in essence you are just paying for lunch at the beach.  The costs are reasonable $25 for an adult and $10 for children.  You are given a voucher so make sure you don’t lose it otherwise you have to pay more money.  Only guests staying at the hotel are able to use the pools, which is completely understandable.

The beach is gorgeous!  It is calm enough for young children to swim, there is coral close by so you can get some snorkeling done and there is even a rock pool along the beach.  The sand is clean and there is even a volleyball net already set up.

The service at the restaurant was better than some other places in Apia.  The staff were friendly and made you feel welcome.  They were polite and timely in their service.  The food was good.  We ate pizza and would recommend the bacon one with pineapple.  I also enjoyed the pulled pork pizza even though the rest of my table didn’t like it, their loss I say!  The prices were as expected for a resort outside of Apia ranging from $25 +.  I think the only thing I would suggest is a dessert menu as I am a huge sweet tooth and would have enjoyed some chocolate.

One of the things that I think I will miss the most about Samoa is being able to admire the chiseled torsos of the handsome men of Samoa.  If you are as lucky as I was you may even get to see the likes of Mr Lavalava or some Toa Samoa players when you visit Return to Paradise.  

Neglecting underage drinking in Samoa

I have recently become addicted engrossed with the television show Bar Rescue.  I love watching them make something great out of something that has been neglected.  One of my favourite episodes was where the owners were rebuked for serving customers who were already clearly intoxicated and then allowing these people to leave without ensuring they were safe.  This particular episode hit home this week as the court case for Leslie Kohlhase ended.  While I can write a whole blog on the trial and the outcome I choose not to comment on this as I know all parties involved in the case and I don’t want my opinion to hurt people I care for.  What I would like to address is underage drinking.

In almost all the news reports the age of Leslie was mentioned.  I know that her age, 19, has a 1 in it, but the one is not preceded by a 2 as in she was not 21.  The legal age for drinking alcohol is 21 in Samoa.    We are not Australia or NZ we are Samoa so Samoan laws apply, not what happens overseas.  I know firsthand that there is a problem with underage people getting into clubs and being served alcoholic beverages in Samoa.  I know this because I see students I taught foundation English to out at the clubs.  Yes there are signs saying you don’t serve people under 21, yes the police come and walk around the night club at 12 when the club is supposed to close but how many of the clubs have actually been penalized for serving underage patrons?  How many Leslie Kohlhase’s will enter the clubs this weekend and get completely smashed?  

It is the responsibility of the owners of bars, nightclubs and anywhere that serves alcohol to ensure that they are not serving alcohol to underage patrons.  It is also the bar owner’s responsibility to ensure their patrons are safe.  In general regardless of age, you are not ensuring they are safe by continuing to serve them alcohol once it is obvious they are already intoxicated.  Throwing them out on the street when they can barely walk is also not ensuring their safety.  Yes you can argue that once they have left your premises they are no longer your responsibility.  But how bad will you feel knowing that you could have taken someone’s keys and put them in a taxi so they get home safely rather than hearing the next day that they have been run over by a speeding car and killed?  You may not have a legal obligation, but isn’t a moral obligation just as important?

It is the responsibility of the Police to enforce this law by not just doing a walk by when the clubs close but to do spot ID checks and following through with prosecuting locations that violate this law.  If the Police do not feel that this law is a priority then the club and bar owners won’t feel it is important either and we end up with our current situation where our youth act as if they are above the law.

As a parent, I don’t understand where the parents of these kids are.  Because legally they are still kids.  A parent’s sole responsibility is to ensure the safety and well being of their children.  How can you do this if you are not there?  You obviously know they are out if you allowed them the use of your car and because they are most likely not working you probably gave them money too and yet you feel it is appropriate to allow them to go out and break the law by underage binge drinking unsupervised?  Yes I see that your child is getting older and you feel that they can go out, just ensure that they are out with you or an adult whom you trust to be responsible.  In my opinion if you are going to allow your child to participate in underage drinking, which is your right as long as it is in line with the laws of your country, then do so in your home where you know they will not endanger themselves or others.  Even when I was of age to go out clubbing my mother still came to pick me up from a club because she wanted to make sure that I was safe.  Yes your child may get embarrassed and may not talk to you for an hour or so but which is better having them not talk to you or no longer being able to hold them in your arms because they crashed their car into a pole and died?  Parenting is the hardest job in the world it means you will have to say no to your child, your child may not like you all the time but that is part of being a good parent setting boundaries and enforcing them.  

The current underage drinking situation in Samoa is a result of our negligence, not just one person or organization but everyone.  Let’s work together to turn the situation into something great so that we no longer put the lives of our youth at risk.

Know Your Role!

Samoa’s Film Control Board recently banned the comedy “Sex Tape” from being publicly shown at the only Samoan Movie Theater.

The Samoa Observer reported:

According to the Chief Censor, Lei’ataua Niuapu Lei’ataua, they are merely doing their job.

“The reason why we’ve banned the public screening of the movie is because of the explicit scenes of sex and sexual activities,” he said. “This will affect our culture and traditions if we allow this movie to screen publicly. So we’ve decided to ban it.”

I can understand that the Film Control Board would like to keep the culture and traditions of Samoa safe, but that is not their job.  Their job is to classify the movie and let the people decide whether or not they feel the movie is appropriate for them to see.

If keeping the culture and traditions of Samoa safe was their main objective then they would not have allowed Hercules, Transformers, Fast and the Furious or The Other Woman to be shown in Samoa.  Ok so I watch a lot of movies, but these were the most recent that I have watched at the Samoan movie theater.  Why would I say that all these movies should not have been shown?

Hercules – Don’t hate me I love The Rock and I would watch this movie again on DVD if given the chance because there is a great number of six packs and I am all for appreciation of God’s creations.  But it goes against Samoan Culture and tradition as it makes violence appear to be something good.  That going around with a bow and arrow or a sword and killing people is ok.  It also shows us that animal cruelty is acceptable.

Transformers – Ok I am also a fan of Mark Wahlberg and mother of a boy who loves transformers so I know that I will be watching this movie again.  But if we were to use the rule set down by the Film Control Board we should not have been able to view this because the girl in the movie is disrespectful of her father and lied to him about a boy!  I am sorry but Samoan culture says that we should all be respectful to our elders and definitely should not be dating or thinking of kissing a boy at that age.

Fast and the Furious – I have watched this more than a few times and will watch it again because hello Tyrese, The Rock, Vin Diesel and Paul Walker.  But this movie goes against Samoan traditions as it teaches that stealing and not listening to authorities such as the police are acceptable not to mention the idealizing of driving dangerously over the speed limit.  With that said I don’t understand why the Film Control Board allowed it to be shown.

The Other Woman – Ok I kind of see why this was allowed as adultery is a common thing now in Samoa so it kind of upholds our traditions, but you would think that as God fearing people that we would not have allowed it just because of the fact that they drink heavily in this movie and the bible says that we should not drink heavily!

I like the intentions of the Samoa Film Board in trying to keep Samoa safe from all things that are bad in movies, but the reality is that you aren’t doing that consistently.  If your sole reason was to safeguard our traditions and culture then you really need to be consistent because I am sure that I can name other movies that could be detrimental to our culture and traditions.  However, I still believe that it is not the role of the Board to safeguard our culture or traditions but rather to classify the movies so that I can tell if it is appropriate for me to take my ten year old son to.  I believe that at 35 years of age I am old enough to determine whether or not a comedy showing the pain and heartache of filming a sex tape and having it go public will make me want to go out and make a sex tape and if I did choose to make a sex tape I am an adult who has every right to do so as long as it is consensual and within the laws of the land I live in.

So what do I have to say to the Samoa Film Board?  Know your role!

It's not the end of the world!

While this was a time that I would like to forget in my life I feel like my experience could help others going through a similar situation in their lives.  There was a time that I had met what I thought then was the man of my dreams.  He was cute with a smile that could make you melt, he was smart and not boring; sometimes smart guys have no personality but he was not at all like that, he was extremely funny which when combined with brains can be the sexiest thing in the world!  The love that he showed for his family and the loyalty he had for his friends showed me that he was not the type of guy who would hurt me intentionally.  He was attentive, sometimes a guy can be all that but only care about himself and what was happening in his life.  He was a gentleman, paying for lunches, refraining from cursing in front of me and most importantly showing me respect as a woman and a human being.

We had been dating for a while but towards the end of that relationship was a period of time when I was separated from my son for six months.  I had gone from having my constant companion at home, work and wherever I went to my first ever time living alone, completely alone.  While I did have family and friends around there is a void that can’t be filled when a mass of ocean separates you from your child.  Added to this void was the fact that some of my relationships with my close family members in country were strained.  I was in a constant battle over finances which made work a hard place to be.  In my mind, the only thing that I had going right in my life at the time was my “dream guy”.

While I want to share my story there are some things which I would still like to keep personal, so events happened and “dream guy” broke up with me.  I was completely devastated.  I literally cried every day for at least a month.  I barely slept for a full week which is when I turned to exercise to wear me down enough so that my body was so exhausted it had to sleep.  I ate maybe once a day, which is crazy because if you know me well enough you know I love my food and am constantly snacking on something.  Needless to say with all the exercise and not eating I lost a lot of weight, which I unfortunately have put back on but that is another blog altogether.  I honestly felt what it was like to be crazy in love because at the time I felt like I was going insane because I loved him that much.

You would think that having gone through a divorce, a failed five year relationship and a broken engagement that I would be accustomed to break ups and getting on with life but for some reason this time was different.  The other times I had my son there with me to remind me that life is more than a guy, and I had the support of family if I was down.  This time I had my two best friends, but it wasn’t the same I am very independent and felt like my problems were a burden to them who were also going through their own life problems so I did not seek the support from them that they were more than willing to give.

One night I held a bottle of pills in my hand ready to take a few to help me go to sleep as the walking hadn’t helped that day.  As I overturned the bottle to take out a few tablets half the bottle spilled into my hand.  I lifted them to my mouth and thought heck why not, my son is with my family who can take better care of him than I could ever do and no one else will even notice so why not just take all these pills and make the pain that was killing me just end.  I put the handful of pills in my mouth and my son’s smiling face flashed before my eyes and I could hear his laughter and my favorite phrase in the whole entire world “I love you mum”.  I spat the pills out and threw the bottle in the rubbish.

This was not the only occasion that I thought of ending my life as a result of my break up, but each time it was my clarity of thought and the knowledge that I had someone in my life who loved me regardless of any mistakes that I may make and whose life would have been hugely impacted by my actions.  Each time I faced this choice the ability to think clearly and not having my judgment clouded by alcohol or drugs made it that much easier to make the right choice not just for me but for my son and the people who loved and cared for me, even if at the time I felt like I had no one.

So my lessons that I have learnt from this experience is that there is always another guy or another girl, hello I am a 30 something single parent who has been divorced and has had way to many failed relationships and yet there are still guys who are interested in me!  Breaking up with the person you think is the one just means that you are now open to find the next one, it may take time but it will happen and I know this because if it can happen for me it can happen for you.

This is not just something that happens to people who are not educated, poor or facing mental problems.  I have two degrees, I am not stupid but that doesn’t mean I can’t make stupid choices.  I am not rich but am also not living below the poverty line.  While I may act crazy and am a little on the weird side psychologists have actually found me sane so I also don’t have mental problems.  My point is that this can happen to anyone whether you are male or female, rich or poor so don’t think that you are the exception.

I have also learnt that what I do in my life affects the people around me no matter how many times you try to tell yourself that no one cares or no one will notice.  It may have made your pain end but caused so much pain for others in the process.  It does hurt, but it goes away with time.  Again I have experienced a divorce and multiple broken relationships life does go on and the pain goes away, trust me.

Give yourself time to grieve.  You just lost a big part of your life and you need to deal with your emotions and all the feelings that are racing around in your mind.  How you deal with that is up to you whether you eat, run, laugh or cry just let it out.  I know that many people turn to alcohol and drugs and I have been there and done that but I also found these substances cloud my mind and stop me from thinking clearly.  So if you do go on a binge drink don’t do it alone and don’t make any decisions during that time.

Be grateful.  I know you are thinking what is there to be thankful for I just lost the love of my life what else do I have?  Be grateful for the beauty all around you.  Be grateful for the food you have to eat.  Be grateful that you have legs to walk with.  Be grateful you have a house to live in.  Be grateful you have clothes to wear.  Be grateful you have air to breathe.  Everyone has something to be grateful for whether it be big or small and by being thankful for these you tend to forget that guy you used to kiss.

Last but not least, talk to someone, anyone.  You may think that you are a burden but your friends, family even strangers would rather take time out of their lives to help you to deal with what you are going through and know that they were able to help someone in need.  Many of us think that people don’t care, I believe that everyone cares but not everyone is given the opportunity to show kindness to others.  Let people help you.

This is not the end of the world, don’t let this one life experience dictate your future.  Chances are you will have your heart broken more than once, but you only get to live one life, don’t throw that precious gift away.