Call for action to end violence against women

*Another of my column pieces for the Iniini Samoa Newspaper

A recent discussion with a friend regarding the responses of NUS students who were asked if they felt it was alright to hit women, brought sadness to my heart.  What I found sad was that the majority, including the female students, said that it was appropriate in certain circumstances to physically hit a woman.  What saddened me more was that we adults have taught this to our children, it is our fault!

When a father lays his hand on his wife in front of his children, he is showing them how to treat women.  When a woman stays in such an abusive situation and does not take action to stop it, she is showing her children that it is ok to have a man lay his hands on her so disrespectfully.  When friends and family witness such violence and do nothing to stop it, they are condoning the abuse of women.

Irina Bokova, Director General of UNESCO, said “Laws alone are not enough.  We must educate to shape new norms and behaviors…To empower women and ensure equality; we must challenge every form of violence every time it occurs.”

An example of where laws are not enough is when a husband comes home drunk and physically abuses his wife in front of their son and daughter, her mother and a house girl.  The police did not respond to the call for help and the neighbors did not provide any assistance either.  He did not spend any time in jail and charges were not even made.  This example shows that while the laws are in place they are worth nothing if women don’t follow through on charges.  This example also shows that we are not caring enough of our neighbors to help each other.

Violence is not just physical.  There is sexual, psychological and economic violence all of which are a violation of fundamental rights and human dignity.

The increase of sexual abuse of women and young girls in Samoa is heart breaking, particularly in cases where these acts of violence are at the hand of their spouses, fathers and other family members.  The fact that these cases are often hushed and swept under the mat are a major factor as to why they continue and why young boys think it is acceptable behavior when they are older.  Surely saving the name of a family is not as important as the well being of a precious young girl or a beloved mother and daughter.

Calling names and belittling a woman to the point where she has no self confidence to do anything is a form of psychological violence.  Making a person feel small just to make you feel better about yourself is one of the most cowardice things a person can do.  This is because it can be done behind closed doors and there are no physical marks to show the abuse, but the deterioration of a person’s self worth and soul can be far worse than physical abuse.

Economic violence is not one that is well publicized and yet it exists here in Samoa.  An example of economic violence is advertising a job opportunity and encouraging women to apply when the organization already have in mind that a male counterpart is preferred resulting in wasted time and money for female candidates who are shortlisted and interviewed.  The inequality of pay for women and men is also an example of economic violence.

March 8, 2013 is International Women’s Day and the theme is “A promise is a promise: time for action to end violence against women.”  Ending violence against women is something that everyone needs to do and can do.  We need to challenge each and every form of violence in order for it to end.  We as a country have made the promise to end the violence now is the time for action, what will you do to end violence against women?

Carrie Bradshaw is back!

So it has been a while since I last blogged, which isn't that new life has so many things that keep us all busy.  One thing that has kept me busy is a new column that I have been writing for the newest newspaper in Samoa, the Iniini Newspaper.  Because the Iniini is not yet available online I am able to blog my column pieces here.  So I hope you enjoy :)

Let Peace Reign

By Morwenna Petaia

February 23, 2013 marked the 108^th anniversary of the first Rotary Club in Chicago.  Rotary International is a service club formed to mirror the same friendly spirit Paul Harris, one of the founders, felt in his youth. 

Today Rotary has 1.2 million members and 33,000 clubs in over 200 countries.  Samoa has a Rotary club as well as a Rotaract club.  The Rotaract Club is a partner club of Rotary that is aimed at people between 18 and 30 years of age.  The aim of the Rotaract Club is to “make a difference through charity work in Samoa and the Pacific Region.”

In an effort to celebrate the anniversary of Rotary, the Rotaract Club of Apia performed a peace dance at the SNPF plaza as a part of the Rock n Rotary: End Polio, Build Peace celebrations.

The Apia Rotaract President, Lealaiauloto Billy Chan Ting, said Rotaract clubs around the Pacific and north New Zealand held similar peace dances with the intention that they would all be collated to form the World’s biggest commercial on eradicating Polio.  Polio is a crippling and potentially fatal disease affecting mainly children under 5 years.  While Polio may not be as prevalent here in Samoa in comparison to other countries, this did not stop the Rotaract Club of Samoa in supporting the efforts in trying to eradicate the disease in other locations.

Naomi Fuamatu, a Rotaract member stated “Rotaract is about ‘service above self’ and we are committed to making the small changes in our community through our service projects – when you see the needs/ challenges within your community, it makes your ‘issues’ in life seem small.”

We often feel that as individuals we cannot make a difference to the world, that the world’s problems are all greater than we can overcome.  The Rotary Club and its worldwide success in helping people all over the world are an example of how each of us can make a difference.  If it were not for the founders of Rotary the millions of people around the world who provide services to those who are in need would not be here.

If each of us in Samoa were to serve one another we would not need all the foreign aid, the casinos and the added social problems that accompany them, there would be no children walking the streets and families starving.  We need to stop looking at what we can get from everywhere else and look at what we as a country can do for ourselves and for each other first.  Through service to others we will have no wars, no people in need because our selfish desires would not be there.  Another Rotaract member, Jonathan Porter, summed it up eloquently when he said “it is always a privilege to volunteer.”  We shouldn’t see helping other people as a faalavelave or a burden; it is a privilege to be of service to our fellow people.  Let each of us take the lead of the Rotarians and let peace reign.

Locked Out of School

There are some great new initiatives being implemented by new CEO's in various ministries here in Samoa.  Some of them I have found were pretty good and am quite interested in seeing how they pan out.  One particular initiative that I find a little contradictory is where all students at Government schools will be sent home if they arrive at school after 9:30 am.  Ok, I see that this is trying to curb tardiness at school but at the same time it is giving students a reason to be late.  If I were in high school and didn't want to got to school all I would have to do is hang around at the bus stop until 9:30 then rock up to school  and get sent home and have a reason as to why I am not at school.

Obviously that is the devious rascal side of me that no other teenager would ever dare think of doing.  But teenagers these days have a lot of responsibilities at home and if they have a legitimate reason like taking a parent to the hospital or the dentist surely they should not be penalized for showing up to school late and wanting to learn.

The whole point of having free schooling for primary and secondary students in Samoa is to encourage them to get out and get an education so that they are able to make a better living and increase the standards of living for themselves and their families.

Tardiness is but a minute issue when it comes to getting our students into schools.  Perhaps the introduction of truancy officers whose sole responsibility is to police the streets and bringing students who are purposely skipping school to their respective schools would be more helpful?

Again people always see the faults in new initiatives and sometimes need to just hold back on giving criticism to see where it may take us, but I feel in this case there really is no point to it.  If a child is late put them on detention, don't give them a reason to skip school.

Flying Frustrations

I just returned from a trip to Australia to visit my family over the holidays.  I had a wonderful time with them which included seeing beautiful sights, eating or more like over eating the delicious food, fun, sun and laughter.  The trip however was greatly soured as we attempted to fly home.

My son is an Australian citizen and holds a temporary resident visa for Samoa.  This enables him to stay in Samoa until the visa expires in 2015.  I went to great lengths before we left to make sure that this stamp was valid and in his passport.  I was confident that there would be no problems when we went to the Melbourne Airport to check in with Virgin Australia.  Oh how I was wrong! 

The Australian Passport website says that “Australian Passports are valid for travel into and out of Australia regardless of the length of remaining validity…Be aware that different countries have different passport validity requirements for permitting entry. If your passport has inadequate validity, you may be refused entry or not be allowed to board your aircraft or ship in the first place.”

My son’s passport expires in June 2013 and our flight was in January 2013, in my mind that is six months validity and fitted within the six month requirement.  However the guest service agent and supervisor counted from February which in their minds made the validity only five months.  So Virgin Australia refused to check my son in even though they had already checked me and my bag in.  While I know that Virgin were well within their rights to do so, surely the resident visa and the fact that he has lived in Samoa for seven out of his nine years of life showed that Samoa would let my son into the country.  What is the point of making sure that we have all the correct information in place if the airline can just decide whatever they feel like suits them?

The guest service agent was extremely polite and very helpful changing the flight to the next week so that we could organize a new passport, also making the necessary notes so that if another change was required it would be free of charge.  The process of getting a new passport sounds like a simple and easy procedure, but this is not the case.  Australian passports for children require consent of both parents.  I completely understand the reasoning for this and think it is a reasonable safety precaution.   However, when parents are divorced and live in two different countries on opposite sides of the world the process becomes that much more difficult.

While I have not taken legal action to gain sole custody of my son, my mother did.  I remember when I was younger and needed a passport my mother still needed my father’s consent, even though at the time he had almost no contact with me and I was travelling to the country where he resided.  In my opinion surely the legal documentation would mean that the other parent doesn’t need to give consent. 

The other requirement is that if overseas the signing of the consent needs to be sighted by an employee of an Australian consulate or embassy.  My son’s father lives in Utah and the closest Australian office is in California.  With the timing being over Christmas, finances are tight and a return flight is very costly.  Already being a week late for work we decided that it best to leave my nine year old son with my sister as school begins shortly and the passport may take longer than we had hoped and also resulted in my son losing his place at a private school in Samoa.

I understand the reasons for having laws in place.  I know that everyone was just doing their jobs.  I could also have been more proactive in making sure that the passport was MORE than six months in validity.  In spite of this it just feels like the humanity factor of life and making decisions is discarded because of these laws resulting in young children bawling their eyes out because they have to be separated from their parent for a long period of time, people missing work and extra stress on finances.

You would think that my woes with passports and Virgin Australia would end there, but it keeps getting better.

After finding a family member who could bring my son back to Samoa once his passport is renewed, I endeavored to call the Guest contact Centre of Virgin Australia to change my son’s booking.  I was on hold for 30 minutes when my call was initially answered.  Apparently I was directed to the wrong division and my call was transferred.  Three and a half hours later my call was answered.  The service person was a lovely woman, very friendly and eager to help.  However, after being on hold for over three hours the last thing I wanted to do was discuss how long I had been waiting for or how long her previous customer had waited.

Virgin Australia had just introduced a new booking system and this was the reason for the delay.  After speaking with the customer service officer we were finalizing the changes when my over four hour phone call got cut off.  I was not about to call back and instead decided to contact Virgin through their facebook page.  My message stated the situation and my displeasure with their service even asking for compensation for the four and a half hour phone call which would cost around AUD$243.40 as it was made from a mobile phone, the only phone available to me.  When I received the follow up phone call clarifications and apologies were received with no mention of compensation.  I am thankful that the changes were made but if a huge multinational airline changes a system surely they will foresee that there will be waiting times and prepare for compensation for waiting.  Having to wait on the telephone for four hours would never happen in Samoa; we would be hung up on or passed around to several people before being hung up on.  How can we expect our developing country to improve when this is the kind of example our so called ‘developed countries’ are showing us?

You would think that nothing else could go wrong at this stage but my flying frustrations continue!  I made my way back to the airport knowing I had my exemption stamp, fully valid passport and confirmed booking.  I am accustomed to the Guest Service Agent checking the exemption stamp and getting their supervisor’s approval, I had just gone through the process the week before when I was checked in and ready to go.  However, this time the supervisor requested documentation of my Samoan citizenship stating that the exemption stamp was not proof of this because it says “holder has unrestricted rights to enter and remain in Samoa whilst Samoan citizenship remains valid.”  Her interpretation of this statement was that documentation of validity of citizenship was necessary before she would check me in.  Her reasoning being that the airline would be fined should the stamp not be valid.  Their attempts to call the Samoan Immigration were unsuccessful as it was already after 7pm in Samoa.  I had to call the Samoan Embassy in Canberra from my personal phone and one of the embassy staff then had to email the Guest Service Agent to say the exemption stamp is proof of my citizenship and to allow me on the plane.  After my many great experiences with Virgin at this stage I was on the verge of tears and the pure arrogance of the supervisor made it very difficult to stay civil and hold back the barrage of unkind words that wanted to be set free.  The supervisor very matter of fact said that it was not their responsibility to make sure that I had the correct documentation, and I agree it isn’t.  But I had all the correct documentation; surely it is their responsibility to ensure that they are familiar with the various visas and exemption stamps so that they know what they mean and the reason for having them.  How is it that they could check me in the week before with the same documentation and were giving me such difficulty this time?

I do agree that the exemption stamp itself could be made clearer in its wording.  Perhaps including the words exemption stamp and changing the wording or adding a validity date would be helpful.

I also see this as an opportunity for the Samoa Immigration office to introduce an after hour’s line for emergencies such as this.

I am so thankful for the Samoan Embassy in Canberra and the extra effort they took in ensuring I was able to board my flight.

Our National airline is an affiliate of Virgin Australia and even partially shares a name.  If we want our national carrier to do well we need to ensure that the Virgin brand is satisfactorily meeting our expectations.  If people are displeased with Virgin airline services whether in Australia or New Zealand it will affect Virgin Samoa and its ability to prosper.  If this could happen to me it could also happen to others.

The column only I got to read

So, as I told you all yesterday I am no longer a columnist, but I wrote two perfectly good columns so will be sharing them here on my blog.  I hope you like them :)

Things I’ve learned from Evan

By Morwenna Petaia

It has been almost a month since Cyclone Evan brought his widespread fury and wrath to Samoa.  While the rebuilding and recovery stage of our lives is still upon us Evan has taught us each lessons that we can use so that when the next disaster happens we are better prepared and even more resilient.

Heed the Warnings – While I feel for all those who lost lives and belongings, I do not agree that you should place blame on authorities for untimely warnings.  I feel that there was ample time given to all regarding the cyclone and also the need to move away from low lying areas that are prone to flooding.  In fact I was a little surprised when I was purchasing canned foods, water and gas, when the first warnings were issued on Wednesday, that there were not more people making preparations.  Yes my main reason for the preparations was that I knew I had used up all the gas and food knowing that in a few days I was Australia bound so our cupboards were literally bare, but I am so grateful that I did heed the warning.  This was my first cyclone so when I heard the warning I jumped and did whatever I could to prepare because even if the cyclone didn't come I know that the peace of mind that I will not have to line up for food and rush around gathering family and belongings is worth so much more than the thought that I could have starved, been hurt or even killed.  Any warning should be taken seriously especially when lives are at stake. 

Be Prepared – Samoa is located in an area that is prone to tsunami, cyclones, bush fires, earthquakes and drought; we cannot and do not control when a natural disaster will occur.  Making sure that we have an evacuation plan in place so that each person in the household knows where to go and what to do in times of a disaster is one way that we can prepare.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints encourages their members to have a food storage and 72 hour kit ready for any kind of an emergency.  These kits usually include items like a three day supply of food and water, they found that pop top cans can leak so are not recommended, a can opener, first aid kit, bedding and clothing,  toiletries, medication, batteries, torches, candles, waterproof matches, axes  pocket knife, dishes and utensils, money and personal documents such as medical reports, passports, legal documents and credit for telephones.  Each person in the household would have a kit and it would go into a bag that is easy to transport and placed in an area that is easily accessed should an evacuation be necessary.  These kits need to be checked every six months to ensure food and medications are not out of date and also that clothes fit.  Something to also consider putting into your 72 hour kit is a board game, books or toys and paper and pens.  With the extended periods of time with not power and it being unsafe to go outside, children need something to keep them entertained and it can also be a bonding experience to play games as a family.

Cyclone Evan has shown me that I will need to get a car charger for my phone.  With the land lines and power being out of order during the cyclone I was reliant on my mobile phone which needed to be charged regularly.  This would have been easy to do if I had a car charger for my phone.  During the cyclone mobile phones were our only link to the outside world so making sure to use it only in times of emergencies and keeping a spare battery are also needed. 

I will need to make sure that I have boards and rope available to cover the windows and secure the roof of the house.  This also includes having a stock of tarpaulins should the roof need mending.  Even if we don’t use or need these kits during a disaster they may be needed by our friends, family or neighbours.

Get Insurance – Because we do not know when a disaster will happen or the intensity of a disaster we should make sure that we have insurance that will cover our valuables and things that we have worked hard to obtain.  The relief of knowing that you are covered financially should our properties or cars be affected decreases our stress and enables us to help others.

There is always the possibility that a natural disaster could take our lives.  For this reason it is also important to take out life insurance.  While a cyclone is an ordeal in itself dealing with the death of a loved one while also recovering from a disaster would be unimaginable.  While you won’t be there to see the fruits of life insurance, knowing that your family will be taken care of is reason enough.

Disaster Plans – Often we worry more about our homes, as we live in them, and not as much attention is given to schools and other buildings that are important to us.  Evan has damaged school buildings and finding a place where the students can attend once school begins is proving to be a topic of interest.  Maybe now could be a time where the Ministry of Education, Sports and Culture and village councils could make disaster plans for each of their schools where possible places to hold classes and procurement of temporary shelters where classes could be held. This could include discussions with churches for temporary use of their buildings.  But by having plans in place makes it easier to know where to go and what to do when a disaster hits; because it is not a question of if a disaster comes but when.

No longer like Carrie Bradshaw

I went to Australia for the Christmas holidays and didn't have the opportunity to see my column in print for a while.  When I returned last week I made sure to look for my column in the paper because in my head I still don't believe that I write a column in a paper so seeing it just reassures me that I am not dreaming.  It wasn't there!  A little confused I thought a mix up may have happened because they may not have received my email or that it was changed to a different day.

I was gutted when I received a reply to my query stating that the paper had reviewed their programs and decided to cut out a few of the opinion columns and mine was one of them.  That sadness turned to anger as I re read the email and realised that the decision to make the cut was from TWO weeks ago and I had toiled longs hours penning my columns and ensuring that they were received before the deadline for the last two weeks when I didn't have to!  I felt very unappreciated and it made me lose some respect in the professionalism of the paper.

However, I am so greatful that I had the opportunity to write, express and expand my views and so these learning experiences are what I will take with me and the sourness of my final hour as a bona fide columnist will be rewritten with a fairy tale ending like aliens bombed the newspaper office and they were no longer able to publish newspapers.

So while I am no longer like Carrie Bradshaw in that we no longer share the same profession, we are both still really hot and sexy, this will not stop me from writing and instead of sending my columns to a paper I can put all of my thoughts and opinions here in the blog world.

On another note I have finished a draft of the full Candy story and after I make a few more tweeks I will be posting it here for you all to read.

Miss Independent

Being raised by a single mother I never saw firsthand what it is like to have a man around the house.  I don’t really know what it is like to see a man take out the rubbish, mow the lawns or put oil into the car.  These were all things that my mother did all the time.  Yes she did have assistance for some things from her brothers or fellow parishioners from church but the majority of the time it was all my mum.  So I was raised by a very independent and strong woman.  Her example made me who I am today. 

So when my marriage broke down and I was left to care for a newborn baby by myself I didn’t fear.  In fact I knew without a doubt that I could love, cherish and care for this child and raise him to be a well adjusted member of society because my mum did it with three children all by herself and if she could do it then so could I.

So having to do everything I could for my child obviously with the assistance of my family members was normal to me.  In fact I can’t imagine what it would be like to have to share responsibilities with another person.  What it would be like to have the daily assistance of a husband to raise a family with is a fairly foreign concept.

My dating experiences have been interesting to say the least.  Being the independent woman that I am if I wanted to see a guy and he was too broke to take me anywhere I would pay for us to go somewhere because I could and I wanted to get what I wanted.  I didn’t realize until recently that most of the guys I dated didn’t mind me paying and doing things for them because they were as TLC put it ‘scrubs’.  This left me open to all kinds of drama.

One guy that I dated was different.  He was a complete gentleman carrying things for me, buying me things and just being a straight up genuine guy.  My problem was not with him, but was with me.  I am so used to paying my own way and doing things for myself I physically found it hard to allow someone else to do things for me.  My body would literally tense up when he went to pay or did things for me because I was so used to doing these things for myself.

This got me to thinking was I overly independent and did not allow the other guys I dated a chance to show me that they were in fact knights in shining armour?  Was I self sabotaging my relationships by being too independent?  Then I thought no, that is just bullocks.  If a guy wanted to treat his woman like a princess and do all that he could to help her he would.  He would also have the confidence in himself to know that she is independent and strong enough to do things by herself and would not be intimidated by her.  If he didn’t then they are not right for each other which is why I did not end up with any of the scrubs, well that and other reasons I will not divulge.

But I have also learnt that there is nothing wrong with allowing someone to be there for you when you need them, to allow them to carry things up stairs for you or to give you a shoulder to cry on should you need it.  By letting someone help you does not take away you independence and does not mean you are incapable of doing it yourself.  It just means you are confident enough to allow others to feel the same independence and self assurance that you have.